I’m learning more and more that we’re never talking to anyone but ourselves, working through our own issues out loud. Everyone around us are simply triggers reminding us just how deeply uncertain we are in the world … the more I make peace with not knowing, the more I just get to listen and comfort the people around me who believe thoughts that are stressful … rather than working to “fix” them, which just alienates them even more …

This amazing little tidbit is from Bryan Reeves, author of The Daily Love blog post You Don’t Have to Convince Anyone of Anything. In the post, Bryan describes an intimate relationship where two people fought daily to assert their opinion on the other. They each wanted the other to come over to their way of thinking, and by not being successfully convincing, they each experienced great hurt. I am dealing with some issues at work right now, and this offered me a new perspective on how I’ve been reacting to others’ behaviours. I have a certain perspective, based on my experience and past. They are completely oblivious to my perspective, because they are operating from their own perspective. What they say or do (or don’t do) triggers something in my perspective, causing me to react in a negative manner.

What this taught me is that I have to become more aware of how and why I react in certain situations. A conscious analysis of my behaviour patterns to root out my false beliefs is necessary to change that pattern to a more positive one. I also need to be more understanding that they are experiencing the same thing – reacting to my behaviours based on their past experience. A way to move through this is better communication – by stating how we are affected, we can each become cognizant of our triggers.